Gracefully here meaning without loosing any request which is in processing (request which are not accepted yet might still be rejected)
Send SIGINT to lighttpd and then start new instance of it – the one received INT will stop listening for new connections but it will finish all connections it already accepted and exit after it
killall -INT lighttpd && lighttpd -f config_file
In FreeBSD it can also be achieved by running service lighttpd graceful
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